Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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