We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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