Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
