my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't deserve a penis
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
