Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize