The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
