This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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