I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
