it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You're like the curious george of whores
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
