so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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