i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I need moral support for this bender
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
