I am puke
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
