so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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