I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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