Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize