yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
