PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
