I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
