At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
