He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
