Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
