I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
