I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
