so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
