The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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