I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
