Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize