my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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