Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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