Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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