I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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