so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
