She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
