I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
