I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
