lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I did not marry a roomba.
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