i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize