does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
COCAINE IS GR8
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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