maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
