There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
