there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
