I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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