In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
