Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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