is your mom at the bar?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
