I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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