So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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