And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
