guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Randomize
