Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet

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(347): View more from New York

last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake

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(630): View more from Illinois

She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep

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(631): View more from New York

I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me

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(571): View more from Virginia

My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises

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(315): View more from New York

why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?

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(630): View more from Illinois

We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??

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