Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
