Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
