Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
