He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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