I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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