so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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