Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
well you can't waste a boner
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
