I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Fuck appropriateness.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
