a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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