I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think people are normalizing furries
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