i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You are a genius and a whore.
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