Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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