alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
