just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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