I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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